“It wasn’t meant to be” or was it??

Posted Ella Villas Articles

We hear that expression a lot:

“Well it wasn’t meant to be”
“It was just meant to be!”

I understand why this is a popular expression.

It can feel good to think, I did everything I could possibly do (to get something, achieve something, etc.) but it didn’t work out, I didn’t get what I wanted.

Then at that point, you can finally give up, or give in.

It’s understandable, but not helpful in the long run.

The problem here is, when you say things like “not meant to be”, you’re putting things up to fate, as if someone else or something out there is controlling the events in your life.

Am I saying that you have complete control over everything that happens in your life?

No, of course that isn’t true.

But let’s take your swimming, or your triathlon training for example.

You put in the work, the effort, the training sessions, and you do the drills and workouts that get you ready for your race…and then….you get sick a few days before your race and you can’t compete.

Wasn’t meant to be?

Okay, let’s look at this. Let’s leave aside the idea of “meant to be” and think of a better way to look at this. In this case, I would go through this thought process:

1.  Acknowledge the objective truth. You worked hard for something, and you won’t get a chance even to step up and try.
2.  Acknowledge your feelings. You might feel disappointed, angry, sad, frustrated. Feel whatever it is fully.


3.  What are the positives you can take away from this? Yestu, positives. After you’ve accepted the facts, and grieved, you can then move to what is good about this situation (for you). Maybe it’s a lesson in patience. Maybe you weren’t actually ready for the race. Maybe there’s a better race for you another time. Maybe, you just weren’t eating healthy, and broke down your immune system- a good lesson to learn.

Was it all meant to be? We don’t know. Who decided what is meant or not meant?

As Coach Chris mentioned in a previous message, focus on “controlling the controllables” and then, learn from whatever you can.

Befriend, and fall in love with the water this week 🙂