How the Triathlete Stole the Workout

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“How the Triathlete Stole the Workout”

Every Swimmer
Down in the pool
Liked swimming a lot

But the Triathlete
Who watched on the pool deck
Did Not

This triathlete hated these workouts! The whole swim focused off season!
Now please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason
It could be that his goggles weren’t screwed on quite right
It could be perhaps that his speedo was on too tight
But I think that the most likely reason of all

May have been that he hated the flip turns off the wall.

But whatever the reason
His goggles or his speedo
He stood there on the pool deck, hating the swimmers,
Staring down from the life guard stand with a sour frown
At the barely heated pool below in the Y.

For he knew every swimmer in the pool beneath
Was busy now, getting ready for the workout.

“And they are getting their pull buoys” he snarled with a sneer
“It’s 5:25am! The workout is practically here!”
Then he growled with his fingers nervously drumming.
“I must find a way to keep the workout from coming!”

For in a few moments he knew…
All the swimmers down in the pool

Would dive in bright and early, They’d rush for the wall

And then! Oh, the Drills! Oh the drills, Drills, DRILLS!

That’s the one thing he hated! The DRILLS!

Then the Swimmers, young and old, would swim into the main set

and they’d swim, and they’d swim!

and they’d swim, Swim, SWIM

They would start with an IM Set, and then a set where the speed would increase

 Which was something the Triathlete couldn’t stand in the least


They’d do something he liked least of all

Every swimmer in the pool, the tall and the small,

Would swim close together, with lane dividers glinting

and they’d swim feet to feet, and they would start sprinting

They’d sprint and they’d sprint

And they’d sprint sprint sprint sprint

and the more the triathlete though of the whole main set sprint

The more the Grinch thought “I must stop this whole stint!”

Why for several race seasons, I have put up with it now!

I must stop this workout  from coming.

But how?”

Then he got an idea

An awful Idea

The triathlete

Got a wonderful, awful idea

“I know just what to do!” The triathlete laughed in his throat.

And he made a quick speedsuit and swim tote.

And he chuckled and clucked, “What a great Triathlete trick”

“With this suit and tote, I’ll look just like a swimmer and just as quick!”

“All I need is a kickboard…”

The Triathlete looked around.

But since kick boards are scarce there were none to be found.

Did that stop the triathlete?

No! The Triathlete simple said.

If I cannot find a kick board, I’ll make one instead.”

Then the triathlete said, “Let’s go”

And he started down

Towards the pool where all the swimmers

were swimming and kicking around

All the lane lines were full. Chlorine filled the air

All the swimmers were all swimming with great care.

When he came to the first lane of the pool

“This is stop number one,” The triathlete hissed

And he climbed into the lane, paddles in his fist.

Then he swam down the lane. A rather tight pinch.

But if swimmers could do it, then it should be a synch

He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.

Then he stuck his head out of the water

Where the swimmers all put their gears

“Taking these pool toys” he grinned ” will end their careers”

And he slithered and slunk, with a smile most cruel

Around the whole pool, and he took every tool.

Pull buoys! And kick boards! Snorkels and fins!

Goggles, paddles and Garmins.

It was a quarter past dawn

All the Swimmers, still in lane

All the swimmers, still a swimming

When he packed up his bag

Packed it up with their tools! The bottles and bands

the belts and paddles for hands.

Thirty meters up! Up the side of the high dive

where no one could get to alive.

pooh-pooh to the swimmers” he was grinchishly humming

“They are finding out now that no workout is coming!

“They just finished warming up! I know what they’ll do!

Their mouths will hang open a minute or two

Then all swimmers in the pool will all cry out Booo-Hoo

“That’s a noise” grinned the Triathlete.

That I simply must hear!”

So he paused. and the triathlete put a hand to his ear

And he did hear a sound rising up from below

It started in low. then it started to grow

But that sound wasn’t sad

Why this sound was merry

It couldn’t be so!

But it was merry! Very!

He stared down at the pool

The triathlete popped his eyes

Then he shook.

What he saw was a shocking surprise

Every swimmer in the pool, the tall and the small,

Were sprinting! Without any reason pool toys at all!

He hadn’t stopped the workout from coming!

It came

Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the triathlete, with his grinch-feet ice-cold as snow
Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?
It came without pool toys! It came without fins!
“It came without swim bags, paddles or Garmins!”
And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before!
“Maybe speed and proper swimming,” he thought, “doesn’t come from those tools.
“Maybe the speed…perhaps…comes from a love of pools!”

And what happened then…?

Well…in the YMCA they say
That the triathletes’s pace
dropped three seconds in his next race!
And the minute his speedo didn’t feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light
And he brought back the toys! And the splits for the main set!
And he…

The Triathlete passed all the swimmers he met!